Fic Off
by Sango5
Summary: (rated for adult humor) hyperness between me and my sister. its a collection of fanfic challenges that we did. includes so far: 1 inuyasha; 2 fruits basket
1. Beer, Ponies, and Sparklers

Fic Off Ch 1  
Beer, Ponies, and Sparklers  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or any other copyrighted material.  
  
Summary: AU. The InuYasha gang have a New Year's party and there's beer involved (who ever knew Sango was a crazy drunk?...). Will Miroku get Sango to kiss him at midnight? mirXsan  
  
Qualifications--  
  
SENTENCES:: 1) "I'm a pretty pony! Clipity clop!"  
  
2) "The label says 'Caution: Hot' for a reason."  
  
3) "I'm not drunk," hiccup. "Isn't this apple cider?"  
  
4) "I bent her over and spanked her."  
  
SCENES:: 1) Someone is hurt with a fireowrk.  
  
2) Karaoke singing.  
  
  
  
It was New Years, and the InuYasha gang were having a festive party. With booze, no doubt...  
  
It was taking place at InuYasha's house this year, and he was not exactly looking forward to it. He would, however, try to make this embarassing for as many people as possible...  
  
  
  
The party was started.  
  
InuYasha was seated on his couch sipping a beer. He was talking to Kagome. Miroku was following Sango around, begging her to kiss him at the stroke of twelve.  
  
"Sango! Please?" he begged, grabbing her hand.  
  
"No, and I'm not changing my mind," she pulled her hand away and walked off.  
  
InuYasha, what with his boisterous voice and all, collected everyone into his living room. "We are going to..." he paused for suspense, "... play karaoke!"  
  
There were moans and groans, no one wanted to. Sango was the first to volunteer, which surprised everyone.  
  
"I'm going to sing an ICP song," she giggled. When she started singing, she was booted off stage by InuYasha for bad language.  
  
Miroku was next up, "I'm gonna sing "The Reason" for my lovely Sango!" He held up his glass of alcohol towards Sango.  
  
For those of you who don't know, Sango can't hold her liquor. Why? Well I'm the authoress, and I say so. She hiccuped and waved to Miroku, "I love you, too!"  
  
Miroku blinked, shook it off as him hearing things and started singing.  
  
His act was exceptionally perfect. Sango stared at him, misty eyed and drunk. When he walked over to her, he grinned pervertedly, "Like my song?"  
  
"I'm not the reason you changed! You haven't even changed, so what's the point of singing about it?" Sango threw her arms up in the air.  
  
"And the song you sung didn't apply to you either," he argued.  
  
She hiccuped again, her face was flushed, "Yes it did!" She started laughing hysterically.  
  
"Some how I doubt that..." he finally picked up on the drunken nature of Sango's actions. "Sango, are you drunk?!" He wasn't exactly worried, but surprised.  
  
"I'm not drunk," she hiccuped. "Isn't this apple cider?" She looked at the golden liquid residing in her glass.  
  
"Apple cider isn't served in a keg," he took the cup from her and went to dispose of it.  
  
When he returned, he found Sango had tackled InuYasha to the ground. She was grabbing his ears and tugging on them relentlessly, "Giddy-up, pony!" She smacked his butt.  
  
Miroku's face distorted, he was jealous. He went over and pulled Sango off the struggling hanyou. "Sango," he realized his tone was too stern and he lightened up, "I wanna be the pony." He smirked, his perverted side wanted desperately to take advantage of her drunken state; though his monk side kept him in line.  
  
"NO!" Sango stared at a wall and scowled. "I wanna be the pony!" She did a poor impression of a horse neighing and got on all fours.  
  
Miroku blinked, "Sango... I think I should take you home."  
  
Sango bucked her head, and sang "I'm a pretty pony, clippity clop!" She started running in circles, bumping into a few people. "Miroku! Ride me!"  
  
Miroku was blushing furiously--was it possible? "Sango, I really think I should take you home, now." He was concentrating on his toe as he traced a circle on the carpet. A few people were staring at him strangely, and even more were looking at Sango with raised eyebrows.  
  
Sango pounced on Miroku's leg and bit him.  
  
"OW!" Miroku shook Sango off.  
  
"I'm a horsie! Ride me!" she growled.  
  
Nervously, trying to keep his mind pure, Miroku sat on Sango's back.  
  
"Giddy up," he mumbled.  
  
"You need to spank me!" she giggled.  
  
Miroku sweatdropped, could this get anymore awkward? He smacked his hand on her bottom and she took off, running through the house and knocking into people. InuYasha, pissed because Sango was making many, many people spill their drinks and food, grabbed Miroku by his collar and pulled him off of Sango.  
  
"What are you doing?!" he growled.  
  
Miroku laughed uncomfortably, "She wanted to be a pony, so I got on her. I bent her over and spanked her," he grinned with his infamous lecher grin and remembered InuYasha was there. "Er, I mean uh... Well, I didn't bend her over," he quickly recovered from his fantasy.  
  
"Well, stop her!" InuYasha stomped off to watch the karaoke contestants.  
  
Miroku eventually found Sango trying to eat wallpaper, "ACK!" He hurried and pulled her from the wall, "Sango, pony's don't eat wallpaper, donkeys do!" He pulled her by the arm and took her outside, she was fussing like a 4-year-old.  
  
Finally, outside, he got her attention with some Sparklers. She became mesmerized by the shiney, sparking, colored flames. When Miroku had glanced away, Sango reached out and grabbed the Sparkler.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, letting go of the Sparkler and crying over the severe burn on her hand.  
  
"Sango!" Miroku dropped the Sparklers, smacking his forehead and feeling responsible.  
  
He pulled her back inside and took a few minutes to locate Kaede. Kaede, being a fairly good doctor, knew just what to do.  
  
Seated in the kitchen where it was somehwhat quiet, Kaede got to work. She put toothpaste--an old home remedy for burns--on Sango's palm and bandaged it up. Then, laughing quite fluently, she handed Miroku a small pouch from her pocket. "It's some powder to help her sober up a little bit, she seems an uncontrollable drunk. Just get her to eat it plain or put it in a liquid," the old lady laughed and left the two alone.  
  
Miroku looked at Sango sitting on the chair across from him. He grabbed her sore hand and rubbed it with his thumb gently. "Here," he handed her the pouch. "Eat it," he instructed.  
  
"No!" she crossed her arms and turned her face away.  
  
"Sango, please," he begged.  
  
"No!"  
  
He grabbed a glass and went over to the sink. After filling it with water, he poured the powder in it and shook the glass so it mixed in well. He sat back by Sango and handed it to her, "Thirsty?"  
  
She took the glass and drank it quickly. Her eyes rolled around as if she was dizzy and she hiccuped. After blinking several times she looked at Miroku, then at her hand. "What happened to my hand?"  
  
"Wow, you really are a whole different person when you're drunk," Miroku laughed.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You grabbed a firework," he explained, trying hard not to laugh.  
  
Sango blinked, suspicious that he was lying.  
  
He smiled, "The label says 'Caution Hot' for a reason." He laughed but stopped when he saw semi-drunken Sango staring at him.  
  
Her cheeks blushed more than they had already been, "So, are you saying I shouldn't touch you?" He knew it was the booze talking, but Miroku couldn't help but think that alcohol does bring the truth out in people.  
  
"I didn't.. I-I... never said-" he heard the other room counting down the time until the New Year. He figured it was worth a try.  
  
"Five," they chanted.  
  
"Sango," Miroku grabbed her bandaged hand, along with the other.  
  
"What?" she tilted her head and hiccuped.  
  
"Four," came the taunting chant again.  
  
"Kiss me," Miroku pulled Sango's hands closer.  
  
"Three," again, that damn chanting.  
  
"Please," he was hoping he would have SOMEONE to kiss on New Year's, and this was his only chance.  
  
"Two," they chanted, Miroku was about ready to kill them.  
  
"Okay," she agreed.  
  
"One... Happy New Year!" they cheered happily.  
  
Sango leaned forward and touched her lips to his. Miroku was lost in the moment as the other room happily rang bells, clapped, hugged, and yelled their New Years cheers.  
  
Sango pulled away and smiled, "Happy New Year." Miroku kept leaning forward with his lips puckered, wanting more. Sango laughed and stood up, pushing Miroku's face away and went to wish her other friend's a Happy New Year.  
  
  
  
A/N: I did this as a "Fic Off" (Lol... Fic off...) with my sister. The qualifications were a few sentences, two scenes, and it had to be done in an hour. Read my sister's under the the pen name "KonekoTsuki", it's titled "Fic Off". XP I hope you liked it, please review!!! 


	2. The Fruity Zoo

Fic Off Ch 2  
The Fruity Zoo  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, or any other copyright material.  
  
Summary: The Fruits Basket characters are loose at the zoo. Missing pants, stolen penguins and zebras, and overall mayhem!  
  
Qualifications--  
  
SENTENCES:: 1) "Give me my pants back!"  
  
2) "Bodily injury may result from the misuse of this (author's choice of object)."  
  
3) "Don't boggart the Penguin."  
  
4) "I'm allergic to plastic."  
  
SCENES:: 1) Someone falls into an animal cage.  
  
2) A jousting match between people on animals.  
  
  
  
Tohru called happily from the dining room, "Shigure! I got a flyer! We get a free trip to the zoo!"  
  
By the time she had finished talking the dog of the Juunishi was positioned in front of her. He snatched the paper from her hand and examined it. "What's the catch?" he asked suspiciously to the flyer more than Tohru. "There's always a catch," he explained.  
  
"I won it," she smiled. "I sent in a story to a magazine and they rewarded me with this. I can take myself and 7 people," she frowned, trying to think of who to take with her.  
  
Kyou, who had been listening to most of the coversation, walked around the corner scowling. "I don't want to go, so don't even ask me."  
  
"Aw, Kyun-Kyun, don't be like that," Shigure said in a 'cutesy' tone.  
  
"I know who I'm taking," Tohru grinned happily.  
  
  
  
Tohru Honda, Yuki Sohma, Kyou Sohma, Shigure Sohma, Hatori Sohma, Momiji Sohma, Ritsu Sohma, and Hatsuharu Sohma walked leisurely into the large land filled with caged animals.  
  
Many of the Sohmas had to be talked and convinced into coming along. Tohru was struggling with a map, holding it sideways and upside down and spinning it around to try and figure out what way to go.  
  
"Why do we have to go to this horrid show of animals caged, taken away from their precious freedom?" Shigure pouted immaturely.  
  
"It'll be fun, I promise..." Tohru walked forward.  
  
  
  
The first cage was the lions, Yuki snickered and made jokes about Kyou. The two were about to fight but Tohru stopped them. Ritsu was peering into the cage when an overweight lady walked by him, crowding him.  
  
"I'm sorry, please let me move," he whispered, his voice inaudible to the large woman. She pushed and shoved so hard that Ritsu lost his balance and fell into the lion's cage!  
  
"RITSU!" Tohru screamed as she saw the timid young man cower in a corner.  
  
The ferocious lion started to corner Ritsu, growling and hissing. Ritsu curled in a ball and covered his face with his hands, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to invade your territory, please forgive me!" The lion stopped and tilted it's head. It bounded over to Ritsu and rubbed it's fuzzy face on the monkey. It's purring could be heard rumbling from deep in it's throat.  
  
Tohru was passed out, being fanned by Shigure who was mumbling "I knew this was a bad idea."  
  
Ritsu shivered as the lion started kneading it's enormous claws against his side. There was a huge crowd of people yelling at Ritsu, telling him what to do. Eventually a zoo official showed up with a ladder, and helped Ritsu out of the cage. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall. Please," Ritsu bowed his head to the ranger," forgive me. I'm so very sorry."  
  
Ritsu avoided any nearness to any of the future cages.  
  
  
  
The group viewed a few more animals. Hatsuharu was glad there wasn't any cows, "Us cows are too smart to be captured."  
  
Kyou scoffed, "No, you're just too stupid to find the trap." Hatsuharu was prepared to fight when Tohru pointed to a food court.  
  
"YAAAAY!" squealed Momiji, "foooood!"  
  
"Let's eat," Tohru rubbed her hands together.  
  
Shigure ended up paying. Tohru got a hamburger, fries, and a drink. Yuki got a hamburger with lots of extra cheese, and a lemonade. Kyou got a hotdog, but he couldn't stop watching the birds that begged for fries. Shigure got a corndog, some chips, and a Dr. Pepper. Hatori didn't eat, he complained the food was too greasy and unhealthy. Momiji got a lollipop, some ice cream, fries, chips, and M&M's. Ritsu got a banana and apologized for needing food. Hatsuharu got a hamburger with extra lettuce, and only ate the lettuce.  
  
As Ritsu was about to sit down, he stopped, "I'm allergic to plastic." He drooped his head, apologized and sat on the ground. Tohru went and sat next to him and ate lunch.  
  
Kyou went to the bathroom and Shigure insisted he escort him. Momiji whined and did the "Pee Pee Dance" and went with them. A spastic screaming was heard from the bathroom.  
  
"Kyou," Shigure knocked on the cat's stall, "you okay?"  
  
"Give me my pants back!" Kyou hissed.  
  
"What?" Shigure blinked.  
  
"THE TOILET STOLE MY PANTS!" Kyou screamed, opening the door to show that, infact, the toilet had swallowed his pants.  
  
Kyou borrowed Shigure's oversized pants--Shigure didn't need them because he had his kimono over it. And the mystery of how his pants got in the toilet in the first place was never solved.  
  
  
  
Momiji was bouncing off the walls, almost literately due to his bunny jumping, from his sugar high.  
  
Tohru surprised everyone with a special trip INSIDE the penguin cage. The zoo officials explained about the penguin's lives, habitats, and other interesting facts.  
  
Tohru was mezmerized about the educational facts the zoo people told her. Yuki was vaguely aware of the birds or the zoo people. Shigure sat, petting one of the birds that took a liking to him. Kyou was secretly enjoying the little black and white birds. Hatori stayed away from the birds, quite certain they were disease-ridden beasts. Momiji squealed and ran around, petting all the birds he could. Ritsu was being chased by one of the birds, the monkey frantically scampered from one end of the cage to the next. Hatsuharu thought they were amusing, 'black and white rules' he thought.  
  
Kyou stuck one of the birds in his oversized pants when no one was looking.  
  
After they left, he extracted the bird, smiling happily as the polar animal squawked.  
  
"You can't keep that!" Tohru stared wide eyes, shocked that Kyou had stolen the bird.  
  
"He likes me," he smiled and hugged the bird as it flapped it's wings.  
  
Momiji grabbed the creature and cuddled it, "It's likes me more!" Kyou tried to grab the bird back, but Momiji ran out of his reach.  
  
"HEY! Don't boggart the penguin!" Kyou growled.  
  
Shigure shook his head, "Let's solve this like civilized people, shall we?"  
  
  
  
Now with two stolen zebras--how they managed that, we'll never know-- and two long sticks, Shigure assembled a jousting match. A crowd of people started to gather.  
  
Momiji nervously got on the striped horse and Kyou got on the other.  
  
Hatsuharu had to be shooed out of the way, he kept inspecting the zebras, convined they were striped cows.  
  
"Disease-ridden, I tell you," Hatori grumbled.  
  
Shigure waved a flag and the contestants kicked their feet, signaling the zebras to go.  
  
Momiji held his stick up, closing his eyes and cowering. Kyou was growling in a pre-victory way and held his stick firmly out in front of him.  
  
Momiji unintentionally ducked under Kyou's stick, and--again, unintentionally--knocked Kyou off his zebra.  
  
"I WON!" the rabbit cried cheerfully.  
  
"YAY!" cheered Tohru, who had forgotten they were competing for the stolen penguin.  
  
Momiji ran to Shigure, who had been holding the bird, and reached up. "GIMME!" whined the impatient Momiji.  
  
"Okay. But use him properly. Bodily injury may result in the misuse of this penguin," Shigure said, very authority-like.  
  
Momiji happily took the penguin in his arms, hugging the bird.  
  
A zoo official walked over, an angry look on her face, "Please, reutrn the bird and no one will get hurt." She threateningly showed a pair of handcuffs.  
  
Tohru patted the sniffling Momiji on the head, "You can come see him again sometime."  
  
"Okay," Momiji handed over the panguin sadly.  
  
  
  
After the long day, everyone was exhausted and fell asleep on the bus ride home. Except Tohru, who smiled as she remembered the main events of the day.  
  
  
  
A/N: I did this as a "Fic Off" (Lol... Fic off...) with my sister. The qualifications were a few sentences, two scenes, and it had to be done in an hour. Read my sister's under the the pen name "KonekoTsuki", it's titled "Fic Off". XP I hope you liked it, please review!!! 


	3. Two Day Rentals are Evil!

Fic Off Ch 3  
Two-Day Rentals are Evil!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any other copyrighted material mentioned. Booya.  
  
Summary: The Fruits Basket rent a two-day rental. It's returned late and Kyou gets pissed off that they owe money.  
  
Qualifications--  
  
SENTENCES:: 1) "It's brand spankin' new!"  
  
2) "I was assaulted by the DVDs!"  
  
3) "Give me a reason not to set you on fire."  
  
4) "Ich bin ein berlina!" (In German: "I am a donut!")  
  
SCENES:: 1) Someone popped ALL the popcorn in the video store.  
  
2) Someone chewing on a pen and it breaks.  
  
  
  
Tohru came prancing into the living room, holding a rectangular box with the words "Blockbuster Video" written on it. "I got us a movie, because you were all complaining how bored you were!" She smiled proudly.  
  
Kyou raised an eyebrow, "What'd you get?"  
  
"I got Lilo n Stitch!" she beamed happily. "It's brand spankin' new!"  
  
"A kiddie movie?" Shigure drooped his head. "Why couldn't you rent that new sexy movie, what's it called?"  
  
"Don't be a pervert," Yuki hissed, smacking Shigure. The rat of the Juunishi looked to Tohru, "Why don't we invite Momiji? He'll enjoy it."  
  
Tohru looked guilty for not thinking of that, "That's a good idea."  
  
  
  
Now seated in front of the TV, Momiji was bouncing in place. Shigure came down from upstairs and waved to Momiji, "Guten tag, Momiji."  
  
"Guten tag!" Momiji grinned with horseshoe-eyes.  
  
"How are you?" Shigure asked, sitting down by the hyper bunny.  
  
"Ich bin ein berlina!" squeaked the young blonde and giggled childishly.  
  
"Is that so?" Shigure chuckled. Tohru came in and sat down with a bowl of popcorn. She clicked the remote and the movie came on.  
  
Momiji and Tohru were the only ones who really enjoyed watching it.  
  
  
  
Two days later, Kyou felt like being helpful to Tohru when he saw the movie still siting on the coffee table.  
  
"Want me to take this back?" Kyou asked Tohru, who was cleaning up after lunch.  
  
"Oh, that's passed it's due date! Yes, please, take it back right away!" she seemed worried, but Kyou waved it off as Tohru overstressing.  
  
Shigure decided to go along with Kyou, to escape his publisher; Hatsuharu was there visiting, he went too.  
  
  
  
At Blockbuster...  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO PAY?!" screamed Kyou.  
  
Shigure chuckled from near the back of the store. He glanced around and sighed when he realized Hatsuharu had wandered away.  
  
Shigure was looking through the "adult" section. He had a red pen and a notebook, he was writing down movie titles. He would pause and chew on his pen and look through more movies.  
  
"It's late, you owe us for keeping it too long," explained the manager.  
  
"That's a load of crap! You should pay ME for even bothering to come here and watch your lousy movies!" Kyou hissed.  
  
"Give me a good reason why we should pay you," the store manager glared.  
  
"Give me a reason not to set you on fire!" threatened Kyou.  
  
Shigure heard this, and not wanting to make a scene, went to find Kyou.  
  
"Excuse me," Shigure walked over to the counter, "what's the problem?"  
  
The manager's face turned pale and he stepped back, "N-no problem here."  
  
"Yes there is!" Kyou growled, "They want me to pay!"  
  
"D-don't worry ab-bout it," the manager was shaking and Kyou raised an eyebrow.  
  
Shigure stepped closer and the manager screamed and stepped further back, "St-stay away!"  
  
Little did Shigure know, his red pen had exploded in his mouth and it looked like he had just eaten raw meat.  
  
"What's the matter?" Shigure tilted his head in confusion.  
  
"You don't have to pay, just don't hurt me!" whimpered the frightened manager.  
  
Shigure blinked and was about to ask why, when Kyou threw the movie box at the scared man, "Now, that's more like it!" He chuckled and proudly turned around.  
  
"WHOA!" he stared at Shigure's mouth, the red ink dripping.  
  
"What? Why does everyone keep doing that?" he asked, thoroughly confused by the reactions he kept getting. Shigure lifted his pen and started chewing on it again.  
  
"Oh," Kyou scoffed.  
  
"Hm?" Shigure glanced at the pen and suddenly realized what had happened. "Well, then we should explain to the store manager that it was all a mistake."  
  
"NO!" Kyou hissed, "Let's find Hatsuharu and get out of here."  
  
"After I find a bathroom and wash this stuff out of my mouth," Shigure compromised.  
  
  
  
The search for Hatsuharu was difficult. He had obviously lost himself in the aisles.  
  
When they finally found him, he was surrounded by bags and bags of... popcorn?  
  
He was seated in a corner, eating popcorn piece by piece. He looked up at Shigure and smiled.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Shigure, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I got lost," he started, "so I started trying to find my way out of here. But the harder I tried, the more lost I seemed to get. There were so many twists and turns and I kept seeing the same things over and over. I was so scared and I figured that my search for an escape was useless. I was figurin' I was trapped for good. And the worst thing..." Hatsuharu paused, shaking at the horrid memory.  
  
"What?" growled the impatient Kyou as he tapped his foot.  
  
"I was assaulted by the DVDs!" he screamed, hugging onto a bag of popcorn for security.  
  
Shigure had to concentrate not to laugh, "Well, what's with the popcorn?"  
  
"I found food, so I grabbed as many bags as I could... which was all of them. Then, during my search, I found a door. Inside was some brooms, mops, and--like a Godsend--a microwave. So, I popped it all. I was planning on surviving on it, but you guys showed up." He smiled, glad to be rescued.  
  
"Well, let's go," Kyou grumbled.  
  
Hatsuharu grabbed a bag of popcorn and stood up. He followed Shigure and Kyou to the exit.  
  
When they returned home, they told Tohru of their adventures.  
  
She decided that was the last time she rented a two-day rental...  
  
  
  
A/N: I did this as a "Fic Off" (Lol... Fic off...) with my sister. The qualifications were a few sentences, two scenes, and it had to be done in an hour. Read my sister's under the the pen name "KonekoTsuki", it's titled "Fic Off". XP I hope you liked it, please review!!! 


End file.
